Funny sarcastic facebook statuses

Description:I wish I was as smart as I think I am. You deserve to get drunk, vomit on a bar stool, pray to the toilet gods, and sweat on the bathroom floor, where you will wake up the following afternoon with a headache, bad breath, and nausea. Spending a day on Facebook has once again fooled me into believing I have an actual social life. Jealousy will not get you anywhere; it will only give you restlessness. If my employer were more democratic than communist, they might allow us to vote on making Wednesday part of the "mid-week weekend" incentive program that I just made up. The problem with reality is that there's no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil, or adventurous is about to happen.

Views: 7064 Date: 2019-01-04 Favorited: 43